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6 January 2011 by kathleen.
Yes, now that I’m retired I have a lot more time for reading. I bought Transgender Explained For Those Who Are Not last October. The author, Joanne Herman, gave a seminar entitled “Being Visible and How That Helps Us All” at Fantasia Fair. Even better, I got her to autograph the copy I bought. Thank you, Joanne!
The book has been nominated for an award by the GLBT Round Table of the American Library Association. The nomination is deserved. This is the best explanatory survey of the transgender experience — MTF, FTM, intersexed, genderqueer, the whole spectrum — that I’ve ever read or heard.
The book would be especially valuable to someone involved with human resources who has heard of transgender, or maybe has had to deal with a transition. What are we? What are the variations? What can you ask? What should you not ask? What do you call us? A minister at an affirming church would want to know these things, too; or a hospital administrator who must write policy to guide medical staff when treating a transgender patient.
This is probably not the book to give to your father to explain your situation as FTM or MTF. I think it is too broad for your immediate family, because only a few of the chapters would apply directly to your transgender situation. Reading about the whole spectrum would likely be more confusing for them than it would be clarifying.
However, if you are ever called upon to describe or speak for transgendered people for a church, school, or civic league, read this book first and get some ammunition. Try WorldCat to find a library near you that might have a copy!
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2 January 2011 by kathleen.
Yes, there are children’s books and teen novels about crossdressing and transgender. The Boy in the Dress is one such. David Walliams is a British comedian, and he uses slapstick and one-liners to soften the sharp edges that the situation “boy in a dress” often has. The target audience is probably in the 10- to 12-year-old range. There are a few Britishisms (e.g., “woofter” as slang for what we might call drag queens), but it’s pretty readable.
Twelve-year-old Dennis loves soccer, but he’s really interested in dresses, too. He and his older brother live with their truck-driving father after their mother walked out. Of course men and boys can’t hug, so all three are starved for affection. A girl from school convinces Dennis to attend classes one day in a orange, sequined dress. It’s great for a few hours, but Dennis gives himself away and is expelled.
The resolution is slapstick, and I won’t spoil it for you. The downside is that while we are invited to feel OK about Dennis wearing a dress now and then, adult men who do so are treated ridiculed. For that reason the book is probably not a good way to tell your niece or nephew about crossdressing.
The book might be a good conversation-starter for a discussion of gender among children in the 4th through 6th grades (U.S.). Girls wear jeans and tee-shirts: why is not OK for boys to wear dresses? What does clothing say about us? Should clothing say anything about us?
Even though the book is quite reasonably priced on Amazon your local library may already have a copy. If they do, you can support your library’s acquisition of transgender-related materials by borrowing this book.
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29 December 2010 by kathleen.
The Color of Sunlight has a subtitle that encapsulates the book: A True Story of Unconditional Acceptance Between a Rural RN and a Blind, Terminally-Ill Transsexual. Co-author Michelle Diane Rose, has been, as she calls it, the “scribe” to nurse Alexander’s narration of the process of acceptance.
It is neither biography nor autobiography. It is instead a painfully honest, beautiful, and moving story of a visiting nurse in Kalispell, Wyoming (pop. 21182), who encounters an elderly transwoman just a few months before the transwoman dies. The book is not about death and dying as much as it is about love and friendship. The friendship that blossoms as a result of the encounter between Michelle the nurse and Mishelle (sic) the transwoman is described with powerful, enlivening emotion. I needed a box of tissues to hand as I read.
The book both is and is not a tale of transition and transgender. We learn a lot about the painful history of Mishelle, about the parents who refuse to let go of their son Mike, and about the clever adaptations Mishelle makes to her world. Mishelle’s intelligence, wit, and charm shine through her transgender and her blindness: neither her transgender nor her blindness is the core of the story. As brightly as the identity of Mishelle shines, the identity of caregiver Michelle shines just as bright as she focuses her professional skills and her personal power on a challenging patient. The book describes their fierce and loyal friendship, a friendship that goes beyond gender.
As important as our transgender is to each of us now, when the moment of our death comes, it will be the totality of our lives and our loves that will die or live beyond our grave, not the tissues to be found between our legs. The lives of Michelle and Mishelle will inspire others for years to come.
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17 October 2010 by kathleen.
My partner and I arrived yesterday in Provincetown, MA just ahead of Fantasia Fair, which officially starts today. Traditionally the Fair occurs just after Women’s Week. We made it here right at the end of Women’s Week.
It’s heartwarming to see so many women having so much fun. Every year Women’s Week draws the best performers and comedians. There must be a dozen shows a day in half a dozen venues. For some years now I’ve wanted to attend one of the shows. My partner and I caught one last night.
We had the pleasure of seeing Jessica Kirson and her stand-up routine at The Crown and Anchor. As advertised, I laughed so hard I wet my pants! Owing to some temporary medical problems I was unable to consume any alcoholic beverages, so I was able to appreciate Jessica’s intimate, stream-of-consciousness stone-cold sober.
Whether or not you love stand-up comedy, hearing a woman speak woman-to-woman in an adult setting needs to be part of the process by which you become a woman. Sure: hair, makeup, dresses, shoes, and bags are at the front of your consciousness. There is something about woman-to-woman relationships, however, that cuts through all that — cuts through to the essence of the people involved.
I’ve written before about relationships in your peer gender. As much as you like men and like having sex with men, a critical element of your identity as a woman is how you relate to other women. You must become a woman among women if you ever expect to pass. Some day, let a good comedian help you actualize what you are.
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17 September 2010 by kathleen.
Post-transition and post-surgery, we are seeing our whole world of experience through new eyes. The shock of that change of perspective floods our consciousness. We want to share that change with everyone we know, and everyone we knew in our birth gender.
Kim Reed’s documented experience with her brother in Prodigal Sons reminded me of that. Her drive to see not only her brother but her old friend David from her San Francisco days, reminded me of what I went through, too. We want to take our siblings and our friends by the shoulders, shake them, and say “Look what I’ve done!”
The problem, if it be such, is that only those who live with us really understand what is going on. For most friends that we haven’t seen in 10 years or more — our transition and surgery just don’t mean a great deal to their own lives. Yes, yes! it’s earth-shattering for us; monumental even. But for the guys you went to grade school with, and haven’t seen for 20 or 30 years?
In the movie, Kim went to the 20th reunion of her high school class. Twenty years before, her male self had been quarterback. Most of her classmates were, like, yawn. “You look great. Excuse me, I need to get another beer.” Her relationship with her brother was far more complex, and took up most of the movie.
You know I wrestled with returning for the 42nd high school reunion at an all-boys high school. Having seen Prodigal Sons, I now suspect that my former classmates might have had a yawn over me, too. It was just too long ago to get excited about. If you’ve transitioned since graduation, and have a high school reunion coming up, I recommend that you see this movie before you decide whether or not to attend.
You could take a clue from Luke 9:60, and just get on with your life.
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28 August 2010 by kathleen.
I just finished reading Almost Perfect by Brian Katcher. A MtF teen, homeschooled for years, is finally allowed to attend a real high school for her senior year. The school is in a very small town in Missouri. Perhaps you live in a town like that: a senior class of just 48 in the only high school in town.
I haven’t read a transgender-related book quite like this one before. It’s told not in the first person, nor by a parent or sibling, but by the cisgendered boyfriend who has one heck of a growth experience.
For me this book was interesting not simply for the subject, but for the quality of the writing as well. As much work as I do on the internet, it’s hard for me to stick with a printed book if it’s not pretty gripping and well-written; this one is.
Regardless of your age, I think you will find that Katcher reveals issues that we all have to deal with to some degree, even if we’re way past high school. I recommend it.
If you’ve read it, too, please leave a comment to let us know how you found it.
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23 July 2010 by kathleen.
Today I read an article on BoingBoing which referred to yet another article describing how women are marginalized in movies. The reference was to the Bechdel Test for women in movies.
The test asks 3 simple questions:
An astonishing number of movies fail this simple test.
To pass the time while I dilate, I do a lot of Netflix. I had a vague feeling that there were an awful lot of movies about men, and darned few about women. The Bechdel Test demonstrates this very clearly. I was not imagining.
I hear vocal transwomen complaining that transwomen are marginalized. That’s almost correct — our society attempts to marginalize women, no matter how they got to be women.
There is something you can do to fight marginalization. When you hear of a movie that fails the test above — don’t rent it or see it in a theater. If you’ve already seen it, do not recommend it. When you patronize and promote such movies, you contribute to marginalization. You can affirm and respect yourself instead.
The good news is that society doesn’t always marginalize. I described a couple of days ago how my employer empowers and validates me. As a woman, I am as qualified as any other employee, male or female, to present a face to organizations in the local community.
Just because you are a human being, you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Expect such treatment, and settle for no less. Affirming, accepting environments exist; permit yourself to find and enjoy them.
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23 March 2010 by kathleen.
Yes, as transgendered people, we’re special — but many of the characteristics of our lives are not unique to transgendered people.
I’ve added to the GenderSong reference section a (short) list of movies. These are not transgender movies, like Boys Don’t Cry or Transamerica. They are movies about totally unrelated topics, but they contain a theme or incident that has something in common with the transgendered experience. I created the list to say, “We are not alone.”
By that I mean that other groups of people, minorities you might say, have had to adjust their living in order to protect their lives or preserve their integrity. Consider, for instance, Jews and homosexuals in Nazi-occupied Europe in the 1940’s. They had serious challenges hiding their natures — on pain of death. (No, I didn’t put World War II movies in the list — but I could have.)
I know that so often as transgendered people we feel alone, isolated, even persecuted. Although those feelings are valid, they are also part of being human, and part of living among other imperfect, fearful, affection-starved people.
You can nominate other movies either by leaving a comment to this post, or by emailing kathleen@gendersong.com
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