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2 July 2011 by kathleen.
I Am J very clearly depicts a young transman’s struggles to understand himself, and to communicate his situation to his parents and his friends. It is a process of discovery and of growth.
The process is not always pretty. Author Cris Beam courageously crafted difficult conversations between J and his parents, and between J and his girlfriends. There were some emotionally-charged moments. I cried, not out of sadness or pain, but from the flood of feeling such as when J confronts his mother’s deception of his father. And I cried with joy when he got his first shot of testosterone — what a great moment!
This is a “teen” novel, but please don’t let that label put you off. “Teen” doesn’t mean it is simple or childish — it means the central character is a teen, and that the book is of interest to teens. Since J turns 18 in the book, the distinction between teen and adult is hardly major. And adults may have to come out to parents, too, just as J does. The circumstances may differ between teen and adult, but the confusion, anger, and pain are the same.
This book is pure FtM transsexual, including the messy edges dealing with parents, peers, and friends. Whether you know a FtM or not, this is a book worth reading.
Posted in Media and Arts, General FtM topics | 1 Comment »
29 June 2011 by kathleen.
We can get caught up in complex, sophisticated situations which we can label pleasure or satisfaction or fulfillment. We transgendered, however, can appreciate simpler pleasures. For instance, do you remember the first time someone referred to you as a transwoman ma’am? Or as a transman, sir? Such pleasure we can get from such simple words!
What brings this to mind is another walking story. One of my “regular” walking buddies brought her daughter with her today, and introduced me. That’s it; end of story. I was one more woman in a group of women walking around the mall.
It doesn’t matter whether I am LGBT, or Muslim, black, or Mexican, or disabled. Whatever identifiable minority you can imagine, if I am in that minority I will appreciate being accepted as whatever I am, and not as a freak. We are both as good as each other.
Posted in General FtM topics, General MtF topics | 1 Comment »
17 June 2011 by kathleen.
The Sweet In-Between is the story of a FtM growing up scared, insecure, and lonely on Virginia’s Eastern Shore. The story seems credible, and Sheri Reynolds has done a superb job describing the life of a family rich in just one thing: drama.
Kendra (who prefers the name Kenny) is our hero/heroine. To forestall further rapes by her half-brother, she binds her breasts and wears three layers of clothes. Her mother died of breast cancer when she was little, and we meet her in her junior year in high school. Her father is in prison on drug charges, and she lives with her father’s girlfriend; not quite a stepmother, but close enough. That is not the end of the emotional entanglements driving this story, but I’ll leave the rest to your own experience of the book.
The portrait of a young woman who hates her body because of repeated violations of it by her male relatives is convincing. Is that what it takes to become a FtM? More precisely, is sexual violence either necessary or sufficient to explain why a woman would hate her body so fiercely?
Whether you are FtM or MtF, did the violation of your body cause your transgender? Did it even contribute?
I hated my male sexuality, and I believe I experienced some emotional trauma when I was very young — probably younger than three years old. Do I remember that? Do I wish it had been? Or is any near-memory that old only a fantasy? Trying to recall the details of an incident that may or may not have happened over 60 years ago is fruitless, much less attempt to verify them.
I don’t know if Ms Reynolds intended to shed light on the politics of transgender, or if she was simply telling a fascinating story. And let me be clear: I found the story fascinating. The descriptions of the emotional violence the family members wreak on each other remind me of those in George Meredith’s Egoist, but Reynold’s story is engaging and in tune with today’s culture. I think it also poses a plausible genesis for female-to-male transgender, a genesis worth pondering.
Posted in Media and Arts, General FtM topics | 1 Comment »
1 June 2011 by kathleen.
Who are your friends? When you’re not working, what kind of people do you hang around with? Or at work, with whom do you chat at coffee breaks and lunch breaks?
I wrote a year ago about dealing with peer gender — that is, people of the same gender as we. When I was living as a man, if I hung around with anyone (and that wasn’t often), I hung with men. I felt out of place in a group of women. Now, however, three and a half years past transition, I feel out of place in groups of men. That’s great, because I much more enjoy hearing what women talk about.
Your friends don’t define you; your choice of friends, though, reflects something of who you are. Do you hang with men, or with transmen? with women, or with transwomen? I have no judgement here: it is not “better” to hang around with one group of people than another. It’s instructive, though, to learn about yourself by looking at the company you keep.
Posted in General FtM topics, General MtF topics | 1 Comment »
26 May 2011 by kathleen.
While she was going through some old photos yesterday, my partner found some pictures of me from four or five years ago. That would have been a year or two before I transitioned, so I was still being Kathleen just a few hours a week.
What a difference!
Yes, I was cuter when I was younger and thinner, but the feature-softening effects of estrogen hadn’t begun yet. The texture of my skin is still of my skin is still somewhat stiff, but the subcutaneous fat has built up over my cheeks to soften my jaw line and my eyes.
My message today is a variation of It Gets Better. You will get better as you experience more of your life in your chosen gender. And, if you just keep at it, you will get better whether or not you ever transition, and whether or not you ever have surgery.
I had never thought of my crossdressing, and then my transsexualism, as an evolving process. Specifically, I have applied myself to getting “better” at expressing Kathleen, and I have gotten better at singing the song of my gender — just as I have gotten better at playing songs with my violin. You can get better, too, in expressing your chosen gender.
Isn’t that great to know?
Posted in General FtM topics, General MtF topics | 1 Comment »
6 February 2011 by kathleen.
I still go to local transgender support group meetings. My own support system is strong. I attend with the intent to give support. I don’t know if I am ever successful at giving support, but I keep trying.
I know support is valuable, for M, F, MtF and FtM — especially children and teens in any of those categories. So it doesn’t matter what the segment of the population tugs at your heart: your participation is needed. You can choose to help runaway teens, unemployed transwomen, HIV/AIDS patients, HIV-positive children, or battered women. There are lots of people in need of help.
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29 January 2011 by kathleen.
Men beat the crap out of women, rape them, and murder them.
Do you think I’m making that up?
These facts and others like them demonstrate to me that gender is not a gimmick; gender is not a grammatical artifact; gender is not, in short, an academic exercise. Gender is a life-or-death characteristic.
If you’re MtF, you can be killed because someone thinks you really are a woman. Imagine that! Lucky you. Or you can be killed because the killer feels diminished when he decides he raped a man instead of a woman — the poor boy!
FtMs face a similar dilemma. You can be killed for being a woman in a vulnerable situation, or you can be killed for the outrageous condition of not really being a man when some studs thought you were.
“He” and “she” are not cute linguistic tricks. This is real, life-and-death stuff. So when I read a few weeks ago about a programmer taking gender fluidity into consideration in designing a new web project, I at first thought, “How clever!” Then I thought about the facts above.
M and F matter because people with testicles get away with violence toward people without them. Saying so doesn’t make it true; look at the facts yourself. Denying that you are M or F — denying that M and F matter — denies the reality of violence against women.
Posted in General FtM topics, General MtF topics | 16 Comments »
18 January 2011 by kathleen.
Fragment a minority: that will scatter them and dissipate their power.
The T is bigger as part of GLBT than it is standing alone — and it is more visible. I know that the needs of T do not match 100% the needs of G, L, or B — or the needs I or Q for that matter. Agreeing with and working with groups with which one does not share 100% is part of human relationships. If we were all 100% in line with everyone else, there wouldn’t be any different groups (duh!).
Let me try a different approach. Intersexed (I) is sometimes added to GLBT, and so are a few others; the longest I’ve heard is GLBTQQIA, for Queer, Questioning, Intersexed, Allies.
I appreciate the differences between intersex and transsexual; I do not intend to deny the differences. Even though I for intersex is not in GLBT, interesexed people still benefit from the GLBT umbrella because people who formerly had no clue that anyone could be different now know that differences exist.
Those say that crossdressers are not the same as transsexuals are also perfectly correct. Should we then add C to the string: GLBTQQIAC? And D for drag, Q for queen, or K for king? I think not: if C, D, K or Q will accept being part of GLBT, we can move forward.
To those who are cis-gay, cis-lesbian, straight, and unisexual, “GLBT” is long enough to be recognizable and short enough to be memorable. Let those of us who are A, C, D, I, K, Q, Q, Q, or T lend our strength and our passion to all the minorities represented by the letters GLBT; for we are stronger with G, L, and B than without them.
Posted in General FtM topics, General MtF topics | 2 Comments »
25 December 2010 by kathleen.
Some of us are joyous today, and are surrounded by friends. Others have been abandoned, shunned by disappointed families, alienated by angry spouses, or banished by embarrassed parents. It’s hard in the latter cases to celebrate your transgender — but you must!
You must wrap your own arms around yourself, knowing that you are beautiful, that you are lovable, and that you are capable of loving yourself and others.
Some of us rely on the love of the Jesus whose birth Christians celebrate today. If that belief doesn’t work for you, then find another. The truth is that your essence — that kernel or spark of identity inside you — that essence is precious and beautiful. If no one else will affirm that beauty for you, you must affirm it for yourself.
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17 December 2010 by kathleen.
When I set up GenderSong a year or so ago, I had intended to create an honor roll of transmen and transwomen whose non-transgender accomplishments have come to my attention. Then I thought: hey, wait! I would be outting anyone I put on the list. How could putting their names in a list hurt? I don’t know but I have asked them first before adding their names.
In the coming year I will attempt to contact more transgendered people and bring them to your attention. I do so because you need to know — and your loved ones need to know — that we are real people, with real accomplishments, and that we make positive contributions to the society in which we live.
Posted in General FtM topics, General MtF topics | 1 Comment »