Why I Want to Pass

30 December 2011 by kathleen.

I want to have relationships with women.  Woman-to-woman talk isn’t the same as woman-to-man talk.  Some topics are off limits in mixed company.  If you appear to be not-a-woman, women will clam up about those topics when you are around.

Furthermore, there are different rules for social engagement in mixed company.  The traditional role is for women to be silent when men are speaking. Yes, yes, of course there are a lot of strong women who won’t defer to a man just because of what’s between his legs.  I know that.  And it’s especially important in work settings that women learn to speak up and to assert themselves regardless of the mix of genders in the conversation.

In a general social setting, however, the situation is different.  I’m talking about casual gatherings at a party, a restaurant, or after church — something with no financial motivation one way or the other.  When there is nothing to gain and nothing to assert, women will usually defer.  The tone of the conversation will change if a man joins a circle of women, and it will change again when all the men have left.

That’s why I want to pass.  I am not hunting for a man.  I am not seeking approval.  I am not a better person — or a better transperson — because I pass well.  Passing is something I choose to do, and something I choose to work at daily.

Posted in Passing, Sex & Gender Roles | 1 Comment »