In Jenny Boylan’s book She’s Not There, she talks about the letter she wrote to friends and colleagues prior to her appearance on campus as Jenny. She sent it to many, many people who knew her as James. Did you announce yourself that way?
I did not. On the job I worked through the HR department, as I blogged about a while ago.
Around the neighborhood, however, I just started being Kathleen all the time. After the day of my transition, I encountered more of my neighbors one by one over the following weeks — and I told them when the chance meeting occurred. I didn’t pick one day, and go up and down my street knocking on doors telling each neighbor methodically and systematically.
I have a small family, and they are all 600 miles away. I told a couple relatives by phone; they haven’t even seen me yet and it’s been over three years since my transition. What I did not do was to write a detailed message outlining The Care and Feeding of a Transsexual — and me a blogger!
What did you do? If you wrote a letter, did it help anyone besides yourself? For that matter, did it even help you?
23 January 2011 at 23:25
I wrote a few letters. I did write one to neighbours. I figured I’d let them know I was transitioning (I was almost full time by then) and let them decide whether they would have anything to do with me or not. As it turns out, they are all fine with me. And I think the letter probably helped them.
I also wrote an email at work, as requested by HR, to people with whom I worked closely. I kept it brief. Some people asked me more later, but most just moved forward.
24 January 2011 at 21:35
Dear Kathleen,
While my writing abilities far exceed that of speaking, I’ve always believed news, good or bad, should be delivered in person. This provides folks with the opportunity to ask questions, express thoughts and feelings, voice anger or resentment, and perhaps even sever a relationship.
The act of talking to loved ones, close friends, and coworkers about being transsexual and my plans for transitioning was terribly difficult. A letter surely would have been much easier on this old broad’s battered psyche, but they all deserved better. So, I did everything up-close and personal.
Regards,
Diana
25 January 2011 at 19:53
Thank you for your insights. I have a friend who has been using letters, though I gather she’s been delivering them personally.
26 January 2011 at 17:01
I have been using a letter to open a conversation on this whole subject.I’m in a very conservative town of 3,000 and it has helped to start a discourse which has usually gone well.I tried just coming out and saying I’m transgendered” just shut the conversation down.
Take care Susan