31 December 2010 by kathleen.

I worked today with a man from church, stringing Cat 5E cable for a video conference after worship this coming Sunday.  I let him be the boss.

When I was 20, I ran electrical wires as part of the assembly of 25-ton milling machines.  When I was 23, I pulled electrical wire through conduit for stage lighting.  When I was 30, my wife and I rewired a house that had been built in 1940, including installing a new breaker box, outlets, and switches.  When I was 45 I pulled Cat 3 cable through my attic for 10 BaseT (yes! it was that long ago!) Ethernet in my house.

When I was 50, I was still living as male, and it would have been important for me to explain to my coworker today just how much I knew about pulling all kinds of wire.

Even two years ago — a year after my transition — I think I was still clinging tightly enough to maleness that I would have had to tell stories about my wiring adventures.  Today I was content to hold the ladder for the man, to sweep up, and to shove ceiling tiles back into place.

What I learned today is that I still have more to let go of: more maleness to shed.  I mean, there’s nothing wrong with telling stories about your past.  But men (old men especially!) tell stories; women share experiences and the feelings that went with them.  Holding onto the need to tell stories is holding on to maleness.

Posted in AutoBiog | 2 Comments »

29 December 2010 by kathleen.

The Color of Sunlight has a subtitle that encapsulates the book: A True Story of Unconditional Acceptance Between a Rural RN and a Blind, Terminally-Ill Transsexual.  Co-author Michelle Diane Rose, has been, as she calls it, the “scribe” to nurse Alexander’s narration of the process of acceptance.

It is neither biography nor autobiography.  It is instead a painfully honest, beautiful, and moving story of a visiting nurse in Kalispell, Wyoming (pop. 21182), who encounters an elderly transwoman just a few months before the transwoman dies.  The book is not about death and dying as much as it is about love and friendship.  The friendship that blossoms as a result of the encounter between Michelle the nurse and Mishelle (sic) the transwoman is described with powerful, enlivening emotion.  I needed a box of tissues to hand as I read.

The book both is and is not a tale of transition and transgender.  We learn a lot about the painful history of Mishelle, about the parents who refuse to let go of their son Mike, and about the clever adaptations Mishelle makes to her world.  Mishelle’s intelligence, wit, and charm shine through her transgender and her blindness: neither her transgender nor her blindness is the core of the story.  As brightly as the identity of Mishelle shines, the identity of caregiver Michelle shines just as bright as she focuses her professional skills and her personal power on a challenging patient.  The book describes their fierce and loyal friendship, a friendship that goes beyond gender.

As important as our transgender is to each of us now, when the moment of our death comes, it will be the totality of our lives and our loves that will die or live beyond our grave, not the tissues to be found between our legs.  The lives of Michelle and Mishelle will inspire others for years to come.

Posted in Media and Arts | 1 Comment »

27 December 2010 by kathleen.

It happens from time to time that I come across books, movies, web sites, and related artistic expressions that I find to be less than positive toward women, or which demonstrate self-defeating approaches to living transgendered or to transition.

In the last 6 months or so, I’ve come across a book and a movie (autobiographies of different people), both of which contain misguided practices.  Here’s what I mean by misguided: a transwoman describes being driven home after surgery, and — bandaged and still high from post-surgical painkillers — takes control of the car from the friend who was driving.

I know there are movies on YouTube of men and women saying, basically, “Look how stupid I was!” Well, good for them, but I won’t endorse their behavior by linking to them.  There is so much good in the world that I don’t need to point out the bad.

So when it comes to calling attention to a website that is negative toward any group of people, I will simply say, “No”.  Someone else can do that.  I won’t knowingly abet racial, sexual, political, religious, or gender hatred.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

25 December 2010 by kathleen.

Some of us are joyous today, and are surrounded by friends.  Others have been abandoned, shunned by disappointed families, alienated by angry spouses, or banished by embarrassed parents.  It’s hard in the latter cases to celebrate your transgender — but you must!

You must wrap your own arms around yourself, knowing that you are beautiful, that you are lovable, and that you are capable of loving yourself and others.

Some of us rely on the love of the Jesus whose birth Christians celebrate today.   If that belief doesn’t work for you, then find another.  The truth is that your essence — that kernel or spark of identity inside you — that essence is precious and beautiful.  If no one else will affirm that beauty for you, you must affirm it for yourself.

Posted in Loving Myself | 1 Comment »

23 December 2010 by kathleen.

Today has been the last day of my regular, full-time employment.  Yes, just a few days ago I wrote how wonderful it is to be working with my peers.  Now I am retired.

My peers are still wonderful; my employer is still wonderful.  As a Unix system administrator, however, I have had a significant number of sick servers paging me at 3:00am, and scheduled downtime from 00:00 to 05:00 Sunday morning.  As frequently happens with old folks, I have had some difficulty sleeping, so the late night work on top of chronic sleep problems has been unpleasant.

As much as I have touted coming out at the same job, it has also been a little too easy.  That is, at work I have been trusting that my employer would protect me from hostility.  I don’t have that protection any longer.

I am looking for volunteer opportunities, and possibly working with the neighborhood civic league or city boards and councils.   I might take some adult education classes, too, or start learning to play a musical instrument.  I approach these opportunities with confidence, but I will also feel a need to be circumspect when discussing my personal life — more so than with my job, where everyone sort of knew anyway.

I’m excited at the possibilities.  Wish me luck!

Posted in AutoBiog | 1 Comment »

21 December 2010 by kathleen.

Despite being post-op, happy, and still married to a woman who is a gem, cold and/or flu are on me this week.

That statement is not as trivial as it sounds: neither transition nor surgery will make your problems go away.  Urinating might be a thrill for a few weeks after SRS, but then it will again be just peeing.  You need to get your act together now, before transition.  You need to love your body now, even in your birth gender, because most of your body will still be the same.

Here is a present you won’t have to wrap: give yourself love this Christmas. Choose to love who you are, inside and out, without condition or reservation.  I believe unconditional love to be one of the many messages of the story of Jesus Christ, whose birth we commemorate in a few days.

Posted in Loving Myself, AutoBiog | 1 Comment »

19 December 2010 by kathleen.

Three years ago today, after nearly seven years on the job as male, I walked into my place of employment as a woman.  I described that process a year ago. Today I would like to write about the support I’ve received from my coworkers over the last three years.

I had a few friends in my current job. I work in IT, so if you were to guess that I was not the hub of social activity, you would be right: most of us in IT are content to do our jobs silently. Nonetheless, I used to say “Hello” to people every morning, and it felt good to receive the same treatment as Kathleen. More than that, people in departments I didn’t even know existed welcomed me with cards, greetings, and words of encouragement.

All my coworkers have been immensely patient with me. I mean, I’ve been practicing feminine deportment for a long time, but I still have a lot to learn about subtle interactions among women. I made some minor slip-ups of protocol now and then; my coworkers took it in stride.

Over time, I was able to open up and become more involved socially (I wrote about one social exchange here). Then, too, friendships with some women blossomed as they could not have done while I was a man. They have enriched my life; I believe I have enriched some other lives, too.

It’s impossible to say what would have happened if I’d gone to a new company — maybe a new city — at my transition. It may have been better, but it could have been a whole lot worse, because the support I received was nothing short of fantastic.

Posted in AutoBiog, Transition on the job | 3 Comments »

17 December 2010 by kathleen.

When I set up GenderSong a year or so ago, I had intended to create an honor roll of transmen and transwomen whose non-transgender accomplishments have come to my attention. Then I thought: hey, wait! I would be outting anyone I put on the list.  How could putting their names in a list hurt? I don’t know but I have asked them first before adding their names.

In the coming year I will attempt to contact more transgendered people and bring them to your attention.  I do so because you need to know — and your loved ones need to know — that we are real people, with real accomplishments, and that we make positive contributions to the society in which we live.

Posted in General FtM topics, General MtF topics | 1 Comment »

15 December 2010 by kathleen.

December 16, 2007, was the last time I presented as male. It is fully three years since my instantaneous transition. It was a marvelous on-the-job transition. Although my coworkers knew me as John for almost seven years, they gave me extraordinary support at the time of my transition and ever since.

I feel all the more lucky when I compare my experience to those whose situations do not yet permit them to transition, like April reports in her blog. One of the reasons I keep writing these posts is the hope that I will some day write something that eases another transwoman’s pain, or helps her to find her way. I wish I could do that today for April.

We can help each other. We can support each other. Sometimes it even helps.

Posted in General MtF topics | 1 Comment »

13 December 2010 by kathleen.

There are gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgenders in Pakistan, Afganistan, China, North Korea, Iran, Libya, Kenya, Yemen, Somalia.  GLBT are everywhere, and in so much of the world GLBT must hide.  All the places in the world that hate America: there, too, are America’s unspoken supporters — GLBT — hiding from their own rulers.

GLBT round the world watch America on whatever news they can receive.  They hear us talk about freedom and rights — and they see us deny those rights to our own GLBT citizens!  They have to wonder just how serious we are when we do not treat our own people with the decency we claim to want for every country we’ve  liberated.

We are crippling our own, covert support base in these countries.  I believe that the United States could do no more for its success in Afganistan and Iraq, and its standing around the world, than to repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and to legalize same-sex marriages.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »