9 October 2010 by kathleen.

I was reminiscing with some friends the other day, recalling experiences I had during the time in my life when I was hiding.  In the fall of 1970 I was a seaman on one of the ore boats on the Great Lakes.  The boats hauled bulk cargo from city to city: coal from Toledo OH to Chicago, and iron ore from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan to steel mills in Cleveland and Pittsburgh (via Erie PA).

I was pretty butch back then, hiding my transgender behind a facade of hard-working manliness.  I thought, of course, that I was hiding my desires from those around me.  And I did very successfully disguise myself — except that I hid from myself as well.

I stories of my adventures down in the hold, sweeping iron ore pellets into the scoop of a steel-tracked bulldozer as it clanged its tracks against the steel deck; and of going over the side of the boat to land on the shore to pull docking cable to a stanchion; and of falling asleep to the gentle rocking of the boat in heavy weather.

It doesn’t even seem that it was me: it was a different person who did those butch things.

Posted in AutoBiog | 1 Comment »

7 October 2010 by kathleen.

I was 60 when I started estrogen.
I was 61 when I transitioned.
I was 62 when I had SRS.

Life is not over when you hit 40 — it’s just beginning!

I am not recommending that you  postpone your transition because older is better.  No, no.  But if you have a reason to defer it — say, there are children at home and your wife wants you to wait till they’re out of school — that doesn’t mean you can never live as a woman.  It doesn’t mean that you will be too old to enjoy yourself, either.

I can remind you that your income generally rises as you age; you are more likely to be able to afford the expenses of SRS when you’re well into middle age.  On the other hand, it’s also true that you heal more quickly when you’re younger so there is some advantage to having surgery sooner rather than later.

Be mellow about it.  There is no need to “push the river“. In my case, I believe God pulled everything together for me when I was ready. Whether you believe in God or not, when everything comes together for you — and when you are ready for it — your transition can happen smoothly, easily, and as the natural development of your life. It won’t matter then whether you are 27 years old or 53: the time will be right.

Posted in God and Transsexuals, General MtF topics | 1 Comment »

5 October 2010 by kathleen.

The Make It Better Project deserves your attention.

I was deeply closeted when I was in grade school, high school, and college.  Very deeply closeted.

Staying in the closet (and keeping the closet door locked and bolted!)  seemed to be the only way to survive.  It was not a healthy way to live, because I lived with fear, lying, denial, years of depression, and a few attempts at suicide.  By the grace of God I survived, but not all of us do, as recent stories attest.

Young people today are demonstrating more courage than I had.  They are coming out. L, G, B, T, and queer: they are coming out. Meanwhile, violence against LGBTQ is not diminishing, as this story in the NY Daily News suggests.  I, for one, want society to become more tolerant, and more accepting of L, G, B, T and Q.  I’m not sure what I can do, but I plan to find out how I can support gay-straight alliances (GSA) and salute the courage of these young people.

Posted in General FtM topics, General MtF topics | 1 Comment »

4 October 2010 by kathleen.

Most everything I experienced at Southern Comfort 2010 was positive and affirming.  There was one sour note.  I was speaking with a transwoman one afternoon, and suggested to her that my partner (i.e., my wife) would have been disappointed at the lack of activities for spouses at the conference.

The transwoman said something like, “Well, there’s shopping.”

I cannot tell you how far that thought misses the mark.

In all fairness, this transwoman was not and had never been married. The attitude expressed, though, is not rare among MtF: a lack of appreciation for the earthquake of emotion that a woman is likely to experience when her husband of 10 years — 20 years — 30 years — says he wants to become a woman.

Suppose the situation were reversed: your wife comes home one day and tells you she wants to have an operation to be a male.   What would you do?  How would you feel?  Is there any way you could go on living together with this person?  Doing so would make you both look gay.  How could you explain it to the kids?

Sure, being trans of one variety or other is natural for us; it is our nature.  We’ve been living with that nature for as long as we have been alive.  Our loved ones, however, have not been aware of it as long or as intensely.  They have questions; they have fears; they have uncertainty.

Shopping is not enough to answer the questions; to calm the fears; to resolve the uncertainty.  Women — especially the women who love us — are much deeper than that.

Posted in Being/staying married, General MtF topics | 1 Comment »

1 October 2010 by kathleen.

One to two weeks before MtF gender surgery (SRS), most surgeons want you to stop all estrogen. Within a couple of days, your system goes from a healthy level of estrogen — to nothing!

When that happened to me, I became irritable and depressed; I snapped at my boss. Even though I was excited about my surgery, I was just short of miserable. Someone told me I was experiencing PMS. I don’t know how similar it was to PMS, but my feelings were tangible and unpleasant.

If I had it to do over again, I would have let myself down a little more gently. Instead of stopping cold two weeks before surgery, I think I would have started early and cut the estrogen in half for a week before stopping totally. If you are coming up for surgery soon, you may wish to keep this in mind.

Posted in M-to-F surgery | 1 Comment »