Archive for 9 October 2010

Another Life

I was reminiscing with some friends the other day, recalling experiences I had during the time in my life when I was hiding.  In the fall of 1970 I was a seaman on one of the ore boats on the Great Lakes.  The boats hauled bulk cargo from city to city: coal from Toledo OH to Chicago, and iron ore from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan to steel mills in Cleveland and Pittsburgh (via Erie PA).

I was pretty butch back then, hiding my transgender behind a facade of hard-working manliness.  I thought, of course, that I was hiding my desires from those around me.  And I did very successfully disguise myself — except that I hid from myself as well.

I stories of my adventures down in the hold, sweeping iron ore pellets into the scoop of a steel-tracked bulldozer as it clanged its tracks against the steel deck; and of going over the side of the boat to land on the shore to pull docking cable to a stanchion; and of falling asleep to the gentle rocking of the boat in heavy weather.

It doesn’t even seem that it was me: it was a different person who did those butch things.

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