Staying Married, Part 3

19 September 2010 by kathleen.

What I’m writing today might almost be Part 2A instead of Part 3.   In Part 2, I wrote about sexual fantasies and expectations.  That horse is not dead yet: I shall kick it some more.

Regarding lingerie at bedtime, there is a myth:  If my wife was really supportive, she’d let me wear frilly nighties to bed.   That myth seems to be believed by many married MtF.  Silky, slippery lingerie may be a turn-on for you; it may or may not be a turn-on for your wife.   It might be a turn off for her if the person wearing the lingerie is you, the husband she married.   She may support you well and thoroughly, but still not want you to wear nighties to bed.

If your primary satisfaction from wearing women’s clothes is sexual stimulation, that’s OK with me.   Just don’t expect your wife to participate; see Part 2.

Revealing your trangendered nature to your wife does not relieve you of your marital obligations.   One of those obligations involves the marriage bed, touch, and sex.   How you express sexual affection for each other is your private business.   I will only say that how ever you were doing it, you should still be doing it to the extent your body enables it.

If you begin taking hormones, your  capacity to engage in copulation will diminish, as I mentioned in my article about estrogen.   You may be able to replace intercourse with increased non-genital affection.   That was what I had to do when I lost erectile function after prostate cancer.

How far and how fast you move toward transition and surgery is where you and your wife have to come to some understanding.   It is entirely reasonable to negotiate the nature and extent of your use of cosmetics, clothing and hormones, remembering that you negotiate on the priorities in you life; see Part 1.

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