Many of us who now recognize that we are transsexual — many of us just didn’t know. We thought when we married you that we were “just” crossdressers or transvestites. Maybe not even that: maybe we thought we just had a fetish for makeup or shoes or nylons.
And many of us who thought we were crossdressers also thought we would get over it; that if we got married, the urge to crossdress would go away. I mean, we thought it was sex-based anyway, so when we started getting regular, healthy sex in marriage we wouldn’t need to crossdress any more. Yes, I know now there were several misconceptions in that thinking…..
So if you, our partners, feel betrayed, if you feel we lied to you, if you feel we were dishonest: wait. Some of us knew at a very early age that we were really girls not boys. Many others, though — like myself — just didn’t know, thought it would go away, or were in any case sure we could control it.
We did not withhold the information to hurt you. We were ashamed: we knew boys shouldn’t dress like girls, and we tried not to do it, but it was so hard, and we got so depressed when we didn’t dress.
If you are the spouse or parent or sibling, or maybe just the friend, of someone who now says “he” wants to be “she”, it is most likely that he didn’t know that his condition was more than transient.
Please consider a different context: suppose he found out at age 25, or 40, or 55, that he had a congenital heart condition that required him not only to have an expensive — but elective — surgery, but also required him to avoid sex because of the stress it might put on his heart. You might feel afraid for his life, and sad that it might be cut short, but would you feel betrayed?