I am transgendered. This is a fundamental characteristic of my existence.
When I transitioned in December, 2007, I made a public statement about who I am and what I am. Before I did so, I was only talking about it: now I am being it.
To say “I am…” is to assert some aspect of my essence as a living being: “being” — v. the act of be-ing or existing, also, n. one who is or exists. I hid my be-ing for 60 years; I hid the nature of my existence.
I’ve blogged so much about telling that you’d think it really mattered. Duh! It does matter.
In church this morning we sang,
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine,
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
I hide my little light when I fail to reveal who I am. Sometimes I must delay the revelation, but I must not avoid it.
For me, my transition was also letting my light shine to those around me at work and in the neighborhood. I have blossomed. I am alive and lively.
I don’t regret not coming out earlier, because I know I wasn’t in that space of loving myself that enabled me to let my light shine. I wonder, though, how my life would have been different if I had transitioned at 50 instead of 60.