You are currently browsing the GenderBlog weblog archives for February, 2010.
26 February 2010 by kathleen.
I was looking at some transgender-related blogs recently, and I was startled when I began to consider the number of us.
Back in the 20th century, there were a good number of us — but not nearly so many as today. In the ’70’s and ’80’s the procedure was being “perfected” and was consequently performed primarily by well-funded, big-city medical schools. Would anyone care to guess how many MtF operations were there world-wide in, say, 1981: 50? 75? 200?
SRS is no longer an experimental procedure; it’s a business. TS Roadmap has a world-wide list of over 60 vaginoplasty surgeons. If each surgeon does only 100 per year (that’s averaging two per week) then these surgeons — collectively — must be able to perform five to six thousand of these operations per year. Not only has this group of surgeons been growing, but because we tend to last more than one year after surgery, the number of post-operative MtF accumulates. By now there might be close to 100,000 post-op, MtF transsexuals world wide.
What amazed me, though, when I thought about these numbers, was this: what would the world have been like if we had not had the opportunity to change our sex? How many of those hundred-thousand or so post-ops would otherwise be dead at their own hands? how many would be locked in institutions? how many would have been killed or maimed by hateful people in a world which didn’t acknowledge us?
I ask these questions not to say, “ain’t it awful“, but instead to shout, “ain’t it wonderful!“
Posted in General MtF topics | 1 Comment »
24 February 2010 by kathleen.
Whether or not a woman is a weaker vessel, it is understood that a woman doesn’t gratuitously humiliate a man; the reverse, of course, doesn’t hold. A woman who does humiliate a man — gratuitously or not — is of course a bitch, (cf. The BITCH Manifesto at the Duke University library).
In the movie Tootsie, the character Tootsie wouldn’t accept this role. I remember a scene with an aging male actor coming on to Tootsie on the set, strutting and posturing and asserting his male privilege. Tootsie was having none of it; she insisted on not just resisting him but confronting him, even humiliating him. From Tootsie’s own, internal, male perspective, Tootsie did right — but Tootsie is a comedic character, not our model for MtF behavior!
Part of the comedy in Tootsie’s performance is the dissonance between the expected and the actual behavior; the audience knows clearly if not verbally how a woman is supposed to act in the presence of domineering male. A gracious woman will draw a clear, hard line and make it clear he shall not cross that line, regardless what else he says. And, the gracious woman does this without humiliating or belittling the man — unless he crosses the line she has drawn.
That is not to say that a transwoman must learn to be a doormat, though some women are. Instead we need to learn to nurture not confront, to support not contradict (I still have trouble with that one!). As transwomen we need to learn what many of our sisters have been studying since high school: the art of standing firm without initiating conflict; the art of supporting without being trampled; the art of comforting without capitulating; the art of graciously drawing a behavioral line.
Posted in Sex & Gender Roles, General MtF topics | 1 Comment »
22 February 2010 by kathleen.
Beauty may be skin deep, but gracefulness goes down to your bones.
– Kathleen
Graceful motion seldom comes without effort to man or woman. You can watch a graceful body — female or male — and the motion will appear to flow naturally. In fact, gracefulness comes from a disciplined economy of motion. A female body’s appearance is enhanced by graceful motion, and does not invite an observer to see a man.
The limbs move no more than they need to before they arrive at the end of their travel; they need not snap back to the right place, because they have stopped at the right place. The torso, likewise, moves no more than it must to enable the limbs to move where they must.
Gracelessness abounds; too many people have been taught to hate their own bodies. You can watch people on the street, at a shopping mall, even walking down the hall at work or school. You will see
I know there are people with physical deformities; I do not make fun of them. Nor do I make fun of those whose off-center gait is the result of pain or injury — I have certainly had both pain and injury more than a few times. In the absence of injury or pain, however, you can smooth out your motion with deliberate attention and practice.
When I was a young boy, we made fun of the girls walking with a book balanced on their heads. Well, maybe it’s funny to see, but it works! To keep the book balanced, you need to move smoothly, keeping your head centered. Try it. You don’t have to practice hours a day — a few minutes will give you a feel for how you can control your body to move smoothly and fluidly.
If you are self-conscious doing this in boy-mode… good! You can allow yourself to feel relaxed, graceful, even radiant, when you do this in girl-mode.
Posted in Sex & Gender Roles, General MtF topics | 1 Comment »
19 February 2010 by kathleen.
Your mission, John, should you choose to accept it, is to become the most convincing woman you can, given the physical material (DNA, skeleton, musculature, skin texture, male pattern baldness, etc.) you were given at birth.
The purpose of this mission is known only to The Boss. However, we can tell you that as you live the life of a woman, you will
You will establish a new identity under the name “Kathleen”. In your folder, you will find a picture that suggests how you might appear in order to accomplish this mission. How you create this look will be up to you, though of course you may seek whatever help you need. We cannot reveal the amount of time allotted to you for this mission. You must live each day as if it were your last opportunity to complete this mission.
During your mission, The Boss will communicate with you as needed through the usual spiritual channels. You may wish to seek guidance regularly.
This folder will self-destruct in ……
Posted in God and Transsexuals | 1 Comment »
18 February 2010 by kathleen.
I submitted the post Yes, Christian and Transsexual last night before going to bed. I woke up this morning thinking of that I have to write just a little more.
In the second-last paragraph, I wrote
…I am not a man with a “woman inside”; nor am I a woman stuck with a man’s body. God created me transsexual: not man, not woman.
For me that statement has an important implication. As a transsexual, I am whole, not broken. If I were a man with a woman inside, I might be broken; or a woman stuck in a man’s body — I might be broken. I was not able move forward with my life until I understood that I am a transsexual.
Whether you are MtF or FtM, perhaps you, too, are a whole, complete, unbroken, transgendered person with a perfect, God-created essence; perhaps you are not a broken man; perhaps you are not a broken woman.
The story of Jesus Christ incorporates this message, that you are not broken. If you were broken… if you think you used to be in sin as a result of the famed and fabled Fall of Man in the Garden of Eden… if you are feeling guilt for what you have thought or done about being transgendered: it doesn’t matter any more. The death of Jesus on the cross nullified it - erased it - canceled it - forgave the transgression if there was one.
Whether or not you see yourself as broken, if you are unhappy, you may have to change. I had to change in ways appropriate for me; I invite you to consider whether the changes I had to make are appropriate for you.
Posted in God and Transsexuals, General FtM topics, General MtF topics | 1 Comment »
17 February 2010 by kathleen.
Does God approve of transsexuals? or doesn’t God?
For me, from ages 17 to 57 the answer was clear: God hated trans-anything. I was pig-headed and hard-hearted, for I had been schooled in the armored morality of the Roman Catholic church. I will spare the reader my vicious beliefs about the evils of transsexuality, beliefs that arose from my bitter hardness of heart.
What could have so changed my negative to positive? If you believe that Saul became Paul by the intercession of the Holy Spirit, then you can surely believe that the Holy Spirit could transform my own pre-transition trans-phobia into post-operative transsexuality.
As for God and transsexuals, however, I will not argue Scripture with you. If argument is what you need, you can find all kinds of people quoting scripture both ways on the Internet. My faith in Jesus Christ comes from my heart with only minor assistance from my head.
I had loved God in my childhood and adolescence. I abandoned God as I wrote in my post about resisting God not sin. I ripped God from my life when I perceived that God rejected me. I longed to go back to God, though I would not acknowledge the longing.
I have observed this in the bible stories: God is just, but God is not fair by any human standard of fairness. God gives to each of us a fluid set of gifts, but when compared person to person the sets are rarely equal; equivalent maybe, or equitable, but not equal. As long as I insisted on perceiving a restriction on God’s choice of gifts, I was in trouble. The belief that when it came to sex God could only count to two was a restriction my own narrow mind had placed upon God.
How arrogant of me to believe that I could restrict God. When someone presented me with the idea of an unrestricted God, I could only gasp!
My reconciliation of Christian with transsexual is that the God Who makes no mistakes deliberately created me transgendered. That is, I am not a man with a “woman inside”; nor am I a woman stuck with a man’s body. God created me transsexual: not man, not woman. I will not attempt to guess why God might have done so.
Furthermore, God gave me transsexuality as a gift. I no longer reject that gift. I accept the gifts God has showered upon me. My salvation by the sacrifice of God’s only Son, Jesus, was the greatest of many gifts. Accepting my transgender was a prelude to accepting my redemption. Both are gifts from the wise and generous Creator of the universe.
Posted in God and Transsexuals | 1 Comment »
16 February 2010 by kathleen.
In some ways, we who have transitioned, whether we are pre-operative or post-, are more interesting: we are curiosities. After a while, though, our curiosity value diminishes. We enter a normal, cisgendered state when we have lived as women long enough that those around us forget who we used to be, and no one can tell anymore. I wrote about this once before, and I haven’t quite resolved it even yet.
There is a challenge here: to remain interesting people after our curiosity value has faded.
I have asserted my times in this blog, and many times on the Gendersong site that I am expressing my essence by my transsexuality. If that is so, then let my essence illuminate the world of my experience, and enrich the people whose lives I touch.
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine,
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
I shall not treat my transition as a laurel upon which to rest.
Posted in General FtM topics, General MtF topics | 1 Comment »
14 February 2010 by kathleen.
I wrote before about transitioning on the job versus starting a new job with your new identity. Let me clarify and expand on something I passed over at the end of the post.
I wrote that if you are a genuine, authentic, non-judgmental human being, you would be accepted by the majority of your coworkers. I still think that’s true. On the other hand, if you’ve been shirking your job, have habitually dumped unpleasant tasks on your coworkers, not pulled your weight, told unflattering stories about your coworkers, blamed coworkers for your own mistakes, and generally been an asshole at work, then, yes, maybe you ought to get a new job for the transition.
If you do, though, you’d still better change or you’ll just end up being an asshole of a different gender at your new job. Instead of leaving the job, you could start to become a better coworker right now. What makes a good coworker? What do you hate in other people? What characteristics do you admire?
I know, I know….. If you’ve been hiding your transgender, you may not have any friends at work — in fact, it would be surprising if you do have friends at work. Having a lot of friends, or being the hub of social activities in your department: those aren’t important. I certainly wasn’t either of those things.
I thought of listing some characteristics of a good coworker, but you probably know what they are; you don’t need my help finding out how to be a good coworker in your field. I urge you to become that good coworker now, in your existing job. Whether or not you transition in your old job, your life at work will likely be more pleasant.
Posted in Transition on the job | 1 Comment »
12 February 2010 by kathleen.
I stayed at my old job when I came out. That is, I transitioned on the job, and not into a new job. I left as a male (John) one day in December, 2007, and came back to work a few days later as Kathleen.
Five or 10 years earlier I could not have done that. I was so sure back then that everyone was against me for wearing women’s clothes that something awful would happen: I would get beaten up, or my tires would be slashed, people would spit on me, manly men (i.e. my father’s memory) would threaten me, etc., etc.
I am ever so fortunate that I was able to move from that place of fear to a place of loving myself. I talked about loving my body and loving myself in earlier posts. Because I moved into that loving place, the pointing fingers stopped pointing. The visceral fears evaporated. The imagined glares of hatred turned indifferent. The hatred that I imagined coming from other people was in fact coming from me! When I stopped hating myself, I stopped seeing hatred aimed at me from those around me.
That fortunate change I attribute to the work of God. The change in me enabled me to transition from John to Kathleen in the same job, at the same desk, surrounded by the same coworkers — without the terror I would have felt a few years before. I am so lucky I was able to do that! I went to work that first day resolute, but uncertain; I met a dozen smiling faces….. warm support the very first minute I walked in the door.
I’ve had a lot of jobs in my life — 20 or 25 since high school. I have never walked into a new job with the support I had that first day I walked into my old job as Kathleen.
Please consider how easier it might be if you were to change in the same job, even though that thought may be terrifying to you now. It doesn’t matter, really, whether you work in an office or in a factory. If you are a genuine, authentic, non-judgmental human being, you will be accepted by the majority of your coworkers.
The transition will be easier and more pleasant, though, only if you can move into a loving place, a place in which you can love yourself just as your are. That’s where you need to be.
Posted in Loving Myself, Transition on the job | 1 Comment »
11 February 2010 by kathleen.
I just came across this link today on Helen Boyd’s blog (thank you, Helen), and thought others might want to see it, too:
http://taxprof.typepad.com/taxprof_blog/2010/02/tax-court-gender.html
According to this law professor, the gender reassignment surgery is an eligible deduction, but not breast augmentation. This appears to be what came out of tax court.
My surgery last year was self-pay, so this may mean I’m eligible for a big deduction. If you, too, paid for your surgery yourself, and had your surgery a few years ago, I believe you can file an amended return. I think that’s good for up to 3 years, but check with your tax lawyer or accountant. I don’t know if this ruling is retroactive, but if it is you might save a bundle of money!
For those of you who are planning surgery in the future, save this link!
Posted in General FtM topics, General MtF topics, M-to-F surgery | 1 Comment »
